– back to blogging –
At one point not long ago I kept a journal, writing almost daily, then I did “F is for Failure” in which I recorded myself reading my entire journal, using parts of it in the final piece for all to hear. After that keeping a journal slowly stopped and now it sits next to bed collecting dust while my mind writes entries that are never remembered or shared.
So I’ll try blogging a bit here and there and see what happens.
I’ve been in Minnesota since mid-June and it has been a interesting and strange being back again. I remember standing on the football field during my high school graduation not understanding why people were sad about leaving high school and Forest Lake, I said to myself, “Welcome to the rest of your life.” It took me another 3 1/2 years to finish college before I left Minnesota the first time. I returned three years later almost to the day, with mixed emotions. When I left again for grad school I swore only one thing would get me to come back again, an internship at the Star Tribune. And wouldn’t ya know it three weeks from graduation Peter Koeleman called and offered me the summer internship, I couldn’t believe I was coming back again.
I’m living in Minneapolis with family so really this return to MN has been more like moving to a new place. I’ve never lived in Minneapolis before and it has made Forest Lake and the north suburbs seem so far away. At once I feel like a Minnesotan and an outsider, it’s familiar and foreign every day; I feel as though my feet are standing in two different places.
A few things happened this last week that have made me ponder the last decade of my life and ask myself, “Have I grown, have I changed, am I maturing and moving forward? Or am I stuck in the same whorl pool of my college-age self?”
While on a quick surface level look one might say not so much: I am still single, no children, living in Minnesota and unemployed. Just like I was at 19. However, moving beyond material and marital status I’d have to say I have grown, a lot. While I still struggle with confidence, I no longer hide. I’m still shy, but no longer painfully so.
I once asked Bob why he never moved to Italy, since he loves being there so much, he said because he matter how long he would live there he would never be home. It’s been interesting to reflect back after being away and to learn more about this state that has always felt like home.
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